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August 26, 2008 Naps <Aurgh!!>

Why the <Aurgh!> associated with the July 23^rd entry ‘manifesting as the need for multiple or exceptionally long naps’? <Aurgh!> again. Kicking and screaming going into the good night. No! I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to continue playing – as in writing, playing music, and sword practice. I don’t ever want to go to sleep. Don’t make me go to bed. What’s this bedtime thing?”

“But you need to be rested to go to work.”

“Screw work. It’s just a job. The only rewards are financial. My creative life is everything – my passion, joy & ecstasy all combined into one. Be Here Now in the total involvement of rearranging the materials of our planet into fascinating arrangements –unique to myself – leaving something of me behind to inspire at least my future self. And you tell me to go to sleep to rest myself for waiting tables – where the focus is drinking, drank, drunk, eating, wine paring – the sensual world of illusion – where no one cares about my internal world – no interest in my cathedral – only wine and food – not me – the world where I’m only a lowly server, taking orders, clearing tables, and getting tips for prompt service. And you tell me to take a nap to be rested for work – where I’m a nobody – doing nothing for a bunch of nameless anonymities – mindlessly performing functions I’ve done for over 30 years now – as one guest fades into another – with only the rare few rising above the surface of the multitudes. And you tell me to rest and take a nap for this lower plane of existence. <Aurgh!!>”

“Are you finished venting?”

“Yes. This is my <Aurgh!!> & <Aurgh!!> again.”

“If you are going to survive into your 60s you must rest or you will have another nervous collapse. Besides your creations are better when you’re refreshed. And your work mates love you as an island of stability amidst the chaos – an oasis in the middle of the desert. That’s not wasted time. Further it’s necessary to pace yourself if you are going to finish the marathon. Jog rather than sprint. You take yourself far too seriously – an elevated sense of self-importance. Enjoy your play – work hard – then collapse in a heap. A little kid dead asleep in the middle of his toys – no sense of urgency or wasted time – just play, play, play until the collapse. Enjoy, don’t fret. Embrace the Passion & the Rest. That’s best.”