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8-4-08 Proceeding despite …

So here I am, gathering the pieces of my soul together as our mighty star sinks below the horizon.

Am wondering if I’m doing the right thing – sitting in front of the electronic screen – again - spinning my fingers before his eyes – autistic style – hoping that some vague person somewhere on this planet might just run across these random phrases - adequately expressed – but not even close to genius.

“Certainly not a Shakespeare – nor a Tolstoy – not even a Dostoevsky. And how about Mark Twain? Now there was a real writer. I’m curious. Why are you even wasting your time with this drivel composed for no one? And your latest project – a loser novel called Breakdown – who in the world would ever want to ready that? You’re obviously only writing to entertain yourself – a bizarre aberration of the human reality! What a way to spend your time when you will soon die to be absorbed inconspicuously into the Earth as has happened to most other creatures – plant & animal. Forgotten within a lifetime, if you're lucky.”

“Hey, hey, hey. You’re disturbing my linear communication with your judgmental interruption. I was about to say that I write for someone somewhere …”

“Oh yeah, your 'pity me, the poor unknown writer' pose. Fairly pathetic, you know.’

“Hey, ease off. I’m not that bad.”

“Bad! No pathetic, insipid, unintelligible – Just plain stupid.”

“I’ll rephrase that. I’m doing my best to accomplish what I’m called to do. I attempt to stay on the Path that gives me drive and motivation. I write with the vague hope that someone somewhere …”

“Got that part. And …”

“That someone will read this and relate.”

“Relate to what? You with your insignificant and boring life?”

“No, to us as an Artist-complex who is impelled to create despite friends, family and internal voices like you, who hamper and discourage our every step – Monsters around every corner that threaten to consume us – and demons that attempt to capture our Freedom by tempting us with visions of Security and Normality. But sorry, we’re too far down the Road to go back now. We have no choice but to continue. It’s too far back. Supplies are running low. Hopefully we reach the next Oasis before it’s too late. And hopefully no one is guarding it when we arrive, else we’ll have to fight for survival. Winner take all.”

“Such the drama queen. Ease off. Take it easy. You’re taking the whole Game far too seriously because of your out-of-balance sense of self-importance. You’re going to burn yourself out again if you don’t watch out. Get out and see the world instead of obsessing over your stupid creations, which are going nowhere.”

“Thank you, Mr. Critic, for providing me with an incentive for proving you wrong.”