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An eyewitness 1^st person account of survival – not written months, or even years, after the fact – in memory of – but as it’s happening – complete w/up-to–date facts & information. Perhaps – at least hoping – never sure in these days & times – that I’ve finally passed my last major ordeal relating to this phase of my life – at last. Hopefully I’m not jinxing myself w/ these bold words. But my Person seems, for the time being at least, to have survived – not thrived, at least in term of the Muse – but have survived to write this, the end of the Breakdown. Really calling down the Evil Eye w/this impudent statement of overconfidence. But I have facts to support the Lie.

Eighteen days ago did the Reentry ordeal begin. And now it has stumbled to a conclusion of sorts. To what do I refer? Breakdown January 18, '08. No work until March 21, over 2 months later – and then only 3 shifts per week – at most. Then May 22 a trip to the PNW for M’s graduation – an ordeal of sorts because of all the walking around on healing feet. But made it through- not without difficulties- arrival was rough- no food to speak of – and a glass of wine, Although this divine liquid gets me pleasantly high, it then crashes me down – hard upon the ground of desolation & despair- to be saved by good food & pleasant company- Recovered by the time Serena & Kurt arrive from Seattle on Saturday the 24th. Then ouch! More walking about town for Miranda’s post Graduation Senior Art Show with my fragile feet wrapped in the notorious Brown Birkenstocks that have caused so much agony. After the Thursday arrival my family & I walk around Portland to stretch our legs after our plane flight. Growing pain in my arches from these infamous shoes leads to Disorientation, Depression, and Deflation. Then shift to the Black SASs, my other shoes, which had caused me pain before, for the evening. Miracle of miracles – rejuvenation & recovery. Only employ these workhorses to protect my fragile feet for the remainder of the journey - save the above exception. Arrive home safe & sound w/only a few sour memories, which had already been forgotten (only revived now) in the face of the formidable Reentry Ordeal in store.

So what is this Difficulty the Brain imagines?

Let us back up a little in this Narrative to get the set the stage.

Oh No! Not Again.

Great name for a song. (Check my CD of the same name - Intense shrill and shriek of an organ improvisation – Highly appropriate to my circumstances.)

Butter on Table & Bump Step! The passing hordes mutter from afar: “Waiter, I need another bottle of wine & where’s my food.” – “I’m sorry sir, but the Kitchen is backed up right now with so many large parties – Graduation Weekend and all.”– “No. I’m not sure when your food will be out.” – “Yes, I know you’ve waited a long time.” – “You’re absolutely right. It is inexcusable for this to happen in a high priced restaurant of this caliber. But there is nothing I can do. You may as well sit and enjoy your company. Where else would you rather be?”

But they did not heed my advice. Instead they got up and walked out – without eating dinner – not even a shout. What’s that all about?

Haven’t gotten there yet. But I’ll give you hint – so you don't have to squint. They certainly didn’t take a mint.

Obviously my psyche knew- as well as the rest of my being – as my Person was visited with a dream the week before – after my excruciating training weeks. I’m on an army transport plane with other veterans – parachutes on our backs – about to be dropped into enemy territory. A grim silence screams out as everyone knows there will be casualties. My Person contemplate backing out, what am I dong this for? Why am I endangering my life for the agenda of others? Let me stop this cycle." But there was no turning back. The die had been cast,”

Waking up. “To what does this refer? Is there any way out? Is this battle inevitable? Do I have a choice in the matter? I think no. Graduation Weekend approaches. Understaffed, under prepared, combined with a feeling of imminent doom – Feet not yet healed, Twinges on a nightly level. What will the chaos of the busiest night of the year entail? And my poor Body just at the end of the grueling brutal 11 for 13 shifts immediately after arriving home - complete w/an all day trip to LA to help L set up her jewelry display for the Contemporary Crafts Market at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium– Feet already hurting from the Night before - Plow & Angel residuals - swamped on Sunday, a few days off and then back to the grind – More training downstairs – marching up and down the myriad steps - Ouch.

Will I be able to help L lift all her cases? Am I going to be in pain? What’s it going to be like Thursday night after this all day affair? Wake up Thursday morning – feet OK – But head spinning w/a throbbing pain. What now? Evidently a sinus headache. Begins at 6AM and finishes about noon – aggravated by the rise and fall in elevation as we travel to the Ojai on the other side of the Coastal Mountain Range to drop off Leo, our neurotic dog, for the week – the only place that is comfortable for him. A hat over my head to shield my eyes from the overly bright sunlight – attempting to sleep the entire 3 hour journey down to relieve the pressure. But my head is splitting – can’t see straight – cross-eyed w/internal pressure on the left side of my head. Have been there only once before - and that many years ago – surrounding our family trip to Thailand. Where did it come from? Perhaps a combination of tension and allergies. My Brain about to pop from so much information – Working two restaurants

“Two restaurants?”

Two micros, two service styles, different inventories, multiple menus. Aurgh?! Why is the Universe torturing me so. What have I done to deserve so much agony?”

But I can’t allow my Person to have such thoughts because it goes right to his feet. The feedback loop: pain > stress > more pain > more stress. Aurgh! What to do? Multiple doses of Royal Jelly – maybe just a placebo effect which calms my nerves & slows me down – combined with some well placed Tylenol to reduce the-inflammation in my overused feet – that are causing me such physical misery – which immediately translates into emotional & psychic agony, and lots of sleep.

“But wait! You said 2 restaurants. What’s this all about?”

“Actually 3.

“?!”

“I’ll update you later. Running out of steam for now.”