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5-20-08 PM Out-of-control Yang

Mind in a turmoil I headed for the beach.

“Aurgh! I can’t believe that Lulu wouldn’t take that file. What could possibly have gone wrong? I took the same steps I did before when it worked. Why am I so cursed? May as well slit my wrists, as go on. My life is not worth living if I can’t publish on Lulu. And if I can’t upload my file I’ll never publish. Why me? Others have done this before me. Why did it work for them, but not for me? Why does the Universe hate me so? How can I live with so much torment? Aurgh!”

And over & over & over again – for miles as we, me and all my selves, are walking on the beach

My Little Voice: “Smell the salt brine in the air. Watch the sparkles of sunlight on the waves. Listen to the crashing surf. Taste the salt on your tongue. Anything to get out of your Mind. You are drowning in your thoughts.”

As my Person turned back the fever finally broke. And gradually, but surely, sanity returned.

“I guess the world won’t end, if I don’t get onto Lulu. Things could actually be a whole lot worse. I could have an incurable disease. Heck. That might be a blessing.”

Little Voice: “Not. You have a lot to live for even if you don’t get published on Lulu. It’s just your out-of-control yang seizing control again with his stupid ambitions. Thinking somehow that the anguish he feels from his frustrated ambitions are more important than Life itself.”

“Not really.”

“Really. You entertained the thought – no matter how fleeting. The anguish spiraled dangerously out-of-control. Your underdeveloped yin was overwhelmed before she knew what hit her. Sit down. Enjoy the sunset.”

“Even if I can’t do Tai Chi because my feet hurt so much from this long walk.”

“Yang again. There is so much more. Experience the slight chill of the ocean air.”

“How refreshing.”

“Feel the warmth of the dying day on your skin. Enjoy the sparkle of the fading sunlight in your eyes and watch the rivulets of the tide lap in and out.”

“The rise and fall of countless civilizations. This too shall pass.”

And he took a deep breath and smiled.

Back at home L: “How’re ya doin’?”

“Not so good. But much better.”

“What’s the matter?”

"Stupid program won’t upload my files. Used the same procedure as before – won’t work – driving me crazy. Can’t think what could possibly be wrong. But I’m trying to forget about it for now.”

“Have you tried Lulu’s tech support?”

“Useless. No assistance whatsoever. Said something about having a problem with my server. How could that be? What difference could that possibly make?”

“You should check again. Maybe someone with better information will respo0nd.”

“Well, all right. I guess it can’t hurt – except to make me more frustrated.”

Hope has returned. I log in - type in my question – he responds, “Probably need to open Lulu on Firefox rather than Safari. Have had problems with the one – never the other, Safari is flawed.”

“Damn!”

“What’s the matter now?”

“The tech support guy said Safari has problems and that I need to use Firefox as my Server instead – whatever that is. I can’t believe these guys and their computereze. <Bitch – bitch – bitch.>”

“I think we have Firefox on our computer. That’s the server that Miranda [our daughter] uses when she’s here.”

“Really?”

My countenance changes from a downward V to upright U in an instant.

Opened Firefox – then Lulu. With fear and trembling I double-clicked on my file and it uploaded perfectly. Although my Person slept well that night, the aftershocks left him a bit shaken and confused as to the stability of his mind.

Muse: “Don’t worry dear. This is just like the frustration from working on a car followed by the elation when everything falls into place– which is finally did. A major turn on.”

But unbeknownst to any but those in charge of this mess my Person still had 2 more aftershocks to come. Ouch! In anguish again.