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In my 20s I had a prescient vision that my Person’s late 50s would be difficult – followed by excitement and exhilaration. Indeed for a long time, even prior to my Disease, a favorite expression of mine was “if I survive my 50s.” or “I hope to survive my 50s”. The reason behind my foresight, if it needs one, is that Saturn rules the transition between middle and old age - also death, disability, & hardship – Justice, getting what you deserve – the Day of Judgment, when some go up and others go down.

Anyway … at my birth Saturn opposed my Sun and I’ve been laboring hard ever since – beginning with heavily flawed, altho loving, parents and culminating in my Slip, followed by the Breakdown. It’s evident that I identify real events with these astrological planetary transits, not psychological states of mind.

However tonite I realized that my Saturn-inspired ‘seriousness’ was at the Root of the Collapse. And that is the big change I have been anticipating - a general intention to lighten up my attitude towards my Person - because it was killing him – or would have dried him up – turning him into a desert – a shell or corpse – a zombie without motive force – going thru the motions w/out the e-motions to impart passion and verve for creative manifestation - burned out and shriveling up – my consciousness limping to the perimeter, shrinking away from the Heart.

So this change in attitude - this about-face of intention – from “I’m worried that my Person will not fulfill his Destiny.” – to “Let’s have a good time. What’s the Rush? Chill out and mellow up or your feet will begin to hurt – immediately.”

“Feet hurt? What’s that have to do w/chilling out – relaxing – lightening up? What‘s the connection between physical pain and psychological attitude. You got Plantars’s from lifting heavy objects – multiple wine boxes – not from stress.”

“Well, yes & no. Simplistically speaking, the physical and psychological are intimately related. What happens to one has a huge impact on the other. Let’s take my Person’s case. Because he exists just below the Threshold of Insanity, any little thing can push him over the edge – the boundary line of normality – which manifests as pain in his feet. So he can’t afford any negative thots whatsoever - for this triggers a negative feedback, leading to a downward spiral, which will surely lead immediately to Breakdown and Collapse – Relapse.

So for mere survival in the modern world our Hero must chill out. Anything that upsets him must be avoided – which is mainly his attitude towards these stupid creations of his – which yield both the Agony & Ecstacy - the states that inevitably accompany the birthing process of regeneration – rebirth. Instead of hating his job because it interrupts his endless projects – instead of pushing through exhaustion to eke out a little more output – instead of raging against the dying light of inspiration – instead of constantly propping up my relentless production with a variety of stimulants: coffee, tea, herb, wine or a bracing swim – take a nap, watch the sun set, meditate, take a deep breath granting our Person a nourishing, revitalizing yin moment.

Fading out now - to practice what I preach. Retreat now to conquer tomorrow – Genghis Kahn – the founder of the Malaccan Empire in Southeast Asia, - and the first Muslim ruler of Spain – each of whom formed great empires after wisely retreating before superior forces. Build strength first, thru Rest & Sleep, which lead to Healing, Vitality & Rejuvenation – which will give my Person more time in the long run.

What’s the Rush? - not - Life’s a Rush. A simple change in attitude is what the Astrology suggests, which took me a lifetime to learn. Nema.