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1-26-08: An indefinite leave of absence?

Saturday 8:40AM

Still kicking despite a near Death experience – Still going to teach Double Sword to the advanced class despite disorientation and dizziness. As you might be able to tell it’s been an exciting week – good for the journal – not so fun to live through. I think I left off where I was having a nervous breakdown – in the sense that I felt as if I’d been through a battle and couldn’t go back to work because my verves had been shattered. Depleted mentally and physically due to work – I deduced that I needed an extended period of time off to recuperate and rejuvenate Mind & Body.

My wife: “ But you were just fine on Monday and Tuesday – the days after you had worked so hard.”

Quietly. “Probably my age – Things take longer to affect me.”

“Something is not right.”

“That’s for sure. Whatever. I need an indefinite leave of absence from the Cask.”

“Gulp!? An indefinite leave of absence?”

“Maybe a career change. Maybe I just can’t handle the stress and strain of waiting tables.”

“But I can’t support both of us.”

“I understand. But I can’t go on. I’m just a shell of my former self.”

Somewhat panicked due to my sudden degeneration and the potential for a precipitous decline in income, which mainly threatens our ability to visit our daughters – my wife’s life blood – the source of her vitality and joy – my wife focuses her attention on this enormous obstacle to our future happiness as a family. This is Wednesday January 16, 2008 after King and Terry, my good friends from Washington, had visited and I had been fine – at least presumably.

The next morning, Thursday:

Laurie: “I looked some things up on the Internet and may have discovered what ails you.” – “Really?” – “Remember that tick bite you got last August?” –“Yeah. It was real nasty. But it went away.”

“Do you remember what it looked like?” – “Not really. I’m spaced – Not the man I used to be.” _I remember that it looked like a huge bruise – followed by a ring of discoloration with an empty center.” _ “Oh yeah, It was really creepy.” – “Not really. That’s the first stage of Lyme Disease.”

Without affect: “Really?’ “It’s a nerve disorder. The symptoms fit you exactly – joint pains – depression- lack of vitality.” “Hmm? A little mite undermines all my wisdom.” Thinking: “Small conquers big.” But too weak to say it.”