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A gorgeous morning here on the balcony overlooking the SB Channel. Is the beauty that which confers happiness? Or is it the inner reflection? My entire life has been devoted to the inner path. From the very beginning I eschewed money, fame, prestige for inner cultivation. Viewing myself as a Siddhartha IÕve pursued mediation and Tai Chi as a way of life. This has led to a loving caring wife, two beautiful clear-lighted daughters, and, incredibly, this million-dollar house on the hill with its exquisite view of the city.
So has my path born fruit? Have I achieved an inner ecstasy, which some call enlightenment? Or not? Well, if youÕve been following these pages at all Ð and probably not, because I seem to be writing for myself Ð you would know that I regularly experience a roller coaster of emotions. For on top of the world Ð as in right now Ð to lost in the quagmire of emotions Ð feeling unappreciated, inadequate- wrong choices, regretting, etc., etc.
So do these moments of inner calm, when I bless my entire existence make up for the agony I experienced last night- as my feet hurt from a busy night at work - zero hits on my website - feeling unloved and unappreciated, as my wife is busy with her jewelry business Ð no one to share my creations with. Woe is me. I took a wrong turn somewhere.
But now I have returned from my Person fever to my temporary state of enlightenment. Is the joy and ecstasy of this moment a ratification of my lifeÕs choices? Or is it something that everyone feels from time to time? Who knows? IÕm not everyone, only myself.