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Whew! An excruciating lesson yesterday. As I told Laurie Ð ÒGoing to my execution.Ó
Why?
Because I had worked on some difficult pieces for just a week. As such they were very fragile Ð in the sense that I could play them once I was warmed up, but was a disaster if anything got in the way Ð more like a tightrope than a highway. In contrast BachÕs A minor Prelude and Fugue Ð a much more difficult piece Ð is far more stable Ð because IÕve been playing it off and on for years.
So with the fragility of my ability a fact Ð Nelson shattered my confidence in the first minute Ð less Ð the first measure.
ÒYouÕve just been playing the piece - not practicing it. I know youÕve spent lots of time in front of the piece but I can hear you havenÕt worked it out. You must nail down the fingerings; become married to them - not just a casual relation. Otherwise it sounds uncertain Ð halting.Ò
So what was my response?
To shut down, of course.
And why?
I had spent lots of time working on these pieces and wanted some positive feedback Ð better, not worse.
And why?
My website has been dying - in the sense of significant visitors. My creative life has been generally ignored by the world Ð including family and friends. I was hoping for a little positive feedback due to my hard work and was instead shut down. Alone and isolated., poor me. Having lost touch with Being I was emotionally invested in my PersonÕs life.
Obviously my vitality is back to normal because I am able to be upset again. Hooray! Hoorah!
Better to care Ð even in a negative way- than to be blah from depression or, even worse, from lack of focus and vitality. Bless the Gods for revealing SALT. Agitated again. How refreshing.