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10-15-07: A Person Explosion

My Person exploded in my face a few days ago. Let’s see what happened.

This is my normal pattern. Once I get my two paychecks for the month I deposit them in the bank and simultaneously deposit $1000 in daughter Miranda’s account for expenses while she’s in college. A simple and convenient routine.

After arriving at work on Friday:
“May I have my paycheck?”
“Sure.”
But then in the tumult of the evening it was forgotten. No biggie, as I don’t deposit until after the weekend anyway.

At the beginning of the shift on Saturday: “May I have my paycheck?”
Forgot again. Tingles of irritation emerge.
“It’s already 12 days after I completed the work for the pay period. I want my paycheck.”

Awhile later: “Paycheck?”
Manager: “I’ll give it to you at the end of the shift.”
“OK.” Beginning to get even more irritated by his tone of voice.
At the end of the shift as the manager is about to leave: “Paycheck?”
Forgotten again.

Brain: “This is not right! We’ve asked for our paycheck politely and they haven’t given it to us. No respect. We should go to the Labor Board. Kill. Destroy. Quit. Run away. Assholes! They don’t deserve our talents. Besides they always foul up our paycheck – shorting us out on tips.”
Little Voice: “But your health is good. Your financial picture is stable. I think you’re overreacting.”
Brain: “Our routine is destroyed. We can’t deposit until we get our paycheck. What’s Miranda going to do without her money? Ruin. Doom. Wasted energy.”
Little Voice: “Wait a minute. Why can’t you deposit?”
Brain: “We don’t have both paychecks. Must deposit them both or neither. That’s the routine. There is no other way.”
Little Voice: “Why not deposit just one? You’ve got plenty of money in the bank to cover expenses.”
Brain: “It’s just not right. I’ve asked multiple times. No respect. We have every right to be pissed. Anyone else would feel the same under the circumstances. Assholes!”

Furious I could barely speak. When I arrived home I went right to bed to quench my fury. But I woke up in the middle of the night after only a few hours sleep – with thoughts of outrage cascading through my Mind – with Brain fueling the Fire by multiplying example after example of similar offenses against my Person. “We are entirely justified in our thinking. This is not right.”

As is my pattern I began meditating to extinguish the Fire of Anger in the Yin-Yang bath of the Void. “Rage! Fury! Not right!” – “Don’t attach yourself to the lower Bardos of the after death plane or you will be reborn as a demon who is consumed by desires.” – “But it’s so unfair.” – “Watch these extraneous thoughts pass by as if they were clouds in the sky. You are not your thoughts. You are so much more. Don’t let yourself be dragged into the Mud.”

After more than a few minutes my fury began to subside and my Little Voice could finally be heard above the tumult.

Little Voice: “You have plenty of money to cover expenses. This fury is purely a result of attachment to routine. Let go. Anger only hurts you and no one else. Let go of your expectations and embrace the unexpected.”
Brain: “But, but, but …”
“Shut up. You’re only causing more problems than you solve.”
Brain’s energy had burned out by this time and he gratefully fell into a deep sleep.

So management violated the expectations that Brain had set up - igniting a conflagration, which disturbed my sleep and my peace. Not worth it in any way – even though most Brains would justify my anger. Let go of expectations to attain Peace of Mind – which is the foundation of health and vitality.